Tuesday, November 6, 2012
An excerpt from Christina D. Jauss ..
The following is an excerpt submitted to me by a fellow author; one who is sharing the NaNoWriMo experience. Thank you for sharing, Christina, and I wish you the best of luck. :-)
We watched what would be one of the last sunrises, my grandmother would ever get to enjoy in my presence. I was both hurt and and angry at her, and I felt guilty about it. Guilt, if that was in fact what I was feeling, was such a small word compared to what I was going through that very moment.
I sat there for a bit longer sorting out my emotions, I looked deep within myself, tried to find and sort that certain emotion that was too big to even name. But at the same time how could she do this to us?
I kept quiet on the outside, but on the inside I was screaming at her, screaming at her for what she was doing. Who in their right mind, does not accept treatments when you're about to die and you have people depending on you. How could you just want to give up so easily?
I started to get up when I felt my grandmother put her hand on my knee, I looked down at her wrinkled hands, hands that were tired and ready to give up. I placed my warm hand on top of hers.
“Danica, promise me that no matter how hard life gets, and how much trouble comes knocking at your door, that you will never give up.” She asked of me, as tears spilled over and her voice became barely a whisper.
I saw the desperation in her eyes, a sharp pain tore through my chest going straight for the heart.
“Grandma, please, please stop talking like this.” I told her, “Everything is going to be okay.”
I had to at least try and stay positive if even for my own sanity. Being optimistic was all I had going for me in this situation.
Grandmother shook her head, “No honey it's not!” She cried, “I'm going to die and there is nothing I can do about it.”
“Treatment grandma, do more treatments for Sam, the baby and I, we need you.”
“No, no more treatments, they are not working, Dr. Allan says my body won't handle the chemo!”
I stared down at the ground, listening as my grandmother continued to talk. Well half listening once again my mind was somewhere else, some place I liked to go when life was just too much to handle.
My room, staring at my momma's photo, her smile always put me at peace.
She let out a breath, “You have a good head on your shoulders, Danica, you will do right by this baby, I just know you will.”
I hesitated, my voice small and unsure of making any more promises, “I will, I promise.”
A tired smile curled her lips as she squeezed my hand with hers, then she stood up leaving me there alone sitting on the porch swing.
Tears trickled down my throat, burning to get out, “ I love you grandma.” I whispered.
My Little Luna...
Written By Christina D. Jauss