NO PLACE TO LAY HER HEAD - one woman's journey through grief

I am three thousand words into my next publication.   Its working title is NO PLACE TO LAY HER HEAD - one woman's journey through grief.

It is my hope that by sharing this journey it will be of help to others.   It is not an easy story to tell.  I am trying to keep it simple but I learned a long time ago that it is not always easy to be simple.

The writing is definitely cathartic.  I find that with each word I type, I am coming a little bit closer to the way I am truly feeling.  Yes, feelings are elusive.  They don't want to be identified, singled out, or pinned down in any way.  They want to sometimes hide; sometimes fill a headline; and sometimes change every thirty seconds.

I have no idea how long I will be working on this project before I will feel ready to share my journey.   It is this writer's hope that once it is finally released that it will be of benefit to others who have lost a loved one.

When God Gives Us Spring

Michael Custis Washington is a young black slave living on a cotton plantation in the Province of Virginia. He was born in 1802. Left an orphan at the age of five he is taken into the big house by his master, Alfred Gordon, to be trained as a house servant. While in this house he suffers severe emotional and sexual abuse. When he finally runs away with his wife Lucinda he is helped by the Quakers. Through the Underground Railway they reach the Elgin Settlement in Ontario, Canada. Freedom is his at last. But when the American Civil War breaks out in 1861 Michael chooses to join the Union Army. He works his way back to Virginia. Is he seeking justice or vengeance?

Moose Road, a Canadian Tragedy makes the Amazon.ca Best Sellers List

#1 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Canadian > Drama
#1 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Drama > Canadian
#2 in Books > Literature & Fiction > Canadian > Dramas & Plays
https://www.amazon.ca/…/digital-text/5790283011/ref=sr_bs_0…
...

Amazon Best Sellers -- Moose Road, a Canadian Tragedy made the
'Best Sellers' list as best seller in drama on Amazon.ca

Cover design by Susan RK of http://yuneekpix.com

 

When God Gives ..........

Michael Custis Washington is a young black slave living on a cotton plantation in the Province of Virginia. He was born in 1802. Left an orphan at the age of five he is taken into the big house by his master, Alfred Gordon, to be trained as a house servant. While in this house he suffers severe emotional and sexual abuse. When he finally runs away with his wife Lucinda he is helped by the Quakers. Through the Underground Railway they reach the Elgin Settlement in Ontario, Canada. Freedom is his at last. But when the American Civil War breaks out in 1861 Michael chooses to join the Union Army. He works his way back to Virginia. Is he seeking justice or vengeance?

 

Writing When God Gives Us Spring  was a wonderful experience.   Michael Curtis Washington endures more pain and suffering throughout his life than most of us could ever handle, yet handle it he does, and in the process he never loses his ability to love nor his sensitivity to the needs of his wife who adores him.

 

To date I have written and have had published many books.  If anyone ever asked me which is my favourite I would struggle to answer but I would, indeed, have to say that this book is one of my favourites.

 

And what I have learned since the writing of this book is that When God Gives us anything, He/She is giving us opportunity to learn, to grow, to broaden our vision, to strengthen our faith, and to share the love that sometimes hides, but that is always there within us, just waiting to be called upon to serve.

 

Recently, in my own life, I have sometimes felt the urge to believe that nothing is going right; nothing is going the way I had planned; and nothing is the way I want it to be.   

 

I allow myself to visit this dark place but within a very short time my good friend, Faith, steps up to the plate and says, okay, that's enough.   You can stay here and wallow in the darkness or you can take the hand I am extending to you and come with me back into the light; back to where you belong; back to where you can continue to grow, to learn, and to love.

 

I choose to take the hand of Faith.  I feel grateful for the inner strength she reminds me that I possess. 

 

I remind myself that When God Gives me anything; however I may perceive it because I may judge it to be good, bad, irrelevant, or important; I need only be accepting.   Acceptance is not always easy but it is rewarding.

 

I am also reminded of an equation taught to me by an instructor years ago when I was a student in the Transformational Arts College in Toronto.  That equation is, 'Awareness, plus acceptance, plus action equals change'.  

 

For me, the 'acceptance' part of the equation is the challenging part.  Awareness sometimes takes its sweet time in arriving; awareness, for me, is sometimes a procrastinator.  And then, sometimes, awareness is swift and sure.   But awareness does arrive and I am grateful for awareness.

 

Acceptance is the hard one for me ......... I want it my way.  I want it the way I planned it.  I want it the way it made some sense to me.    

 

But Acceptance is like a sigh of relief when it happens within me.   Acceptance is my best friend.   Acceptance tells me I can let go.   I can let God.  I don't have to carry the burden, whatever that burden may be, alone.   Acceptance is a light breeze on a lovely sunny day 'When God Gives Us Spring'.

 

I hope you will enjoy reading When God Gives Us Spring as much as I gained in the writing of it.

 

I hope you will want to read any one of my many books.   Even I have lost count but I do believe I now have nineteen publications.    I should take a photo of them all.  My most recent photo of my books does not include every one.    And it is time that I put myself to work, though how such pleasure as writing can be called 'work', I don't know, and begin writing book number twenty.

 

I did write part one of my memoir and I titled it All Them Houses.   I struggled so very much writing this book and 'hesitation' stepped up and partnered with 'uncertainty', these two keep getting in the way of my writing part two.  

 

Fiction, for me, is easier to write than truth.   Sometimes, for me, I find more truth in fiction and, in truth, I sometimes scratch my head, and think the truth sounds more like fiction than fiction.     

 

I love to write and, more recently, I discovered that I love to paint.    Yet, I have done none of these things for the past several months.     Maybe this blog post can be another beginning.  Maybe it is time to write about That Man on the Bench.   He has been lurking in the back of my mind for some time.  If I close my eyes I can see him.  And recently a friend posted a picture of a lovely empty bench in a quiet park setting that spoke to me.   This friend has now given me permission to use this photo and, yes, maybe it is time to put the story down on paper.  It has been in my heart and in my mind for a long time now.  Maybe, the time is drawing near.

 

And in the meantime, I hope you will read and enjoy When God Gives Us Spring.    

 

My books are now all in the beautiful, new, Elliot Lake Public Library but I do hope there are some of you out there who want to buy a book; be it in kindle or print edition.      If and when you do, know that I appreciate always your encouragement and your support.

 

 

 



My Books

I'm happy to say that all but one of my books are now available

 

for your reading enjoyment

 

in our beautiful brand new Elliot Lake Public Library

a single red rose

A single red rose sits in a bud vase on my kitchen table.   It is in full bloom and I am inspired by the multi-layers of perfection; inspired to stay strong; to smile even if I don't really feel like smiling.  Thank you, dear Frances, for this rose and for your beautiful card.  You are a true friend.

It is only because of friends that this past month has been as productive as has been necessary with the lllness of my loved one and the move to a new 'old' house.  Many friends to thank but especially John, Bevy, and Treena.  These young people have been the stars in my sky.  Without them, a move would not have gone smoothly; perhaps a move would not have happened at all.  John worked so very hard; Bevy took loving care of my pups; and Treena, without her ready supply of boxes and smiling encouragement, I would not have achieved nearly as much as I thankfully did.

I look at Sam, resting in his little bed here with me in the kitchen.   He is such a good boy yet can be such a challenge when he decides to be.  He, along with his sister, Lila, are adapting to their new surroundings.  I'm sure they miss their Dad.   I sometimes call them good twin/bad twin but in my heart I know they are both pure goodness.

A most challenging month has offered the gifts of sadness, fear, hope, love, and faith renewed.

My heart is full as I prepare to once again make my trek to the hospital to visit.  I think of many past visits to hospital to be with my mother.  I think of my Dad who died so suddenly that there was no time for a hospital visit.  I think of dear friends who have spent more time than they would like in hospital; and I think of my beautiful sister who, thankfully, avoided the hospital and spent her final days in her own home.     Mostly, right now, I think of Brian as I prepare to leave the house; the one to which I pray he will soon be able to return.

These thoughts, and many more, have presented themselves in the glory of the single red rose that sits atop my kitchen table.

A bit of this and that ......

As a writer I am fulfilled when creating poetry, stories, characters, and situations which before never existed outside my imagination. I was born and raised by my parents in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I often describe myself as one who tends to do everything backward. At a very early age I married and before long my two daughters arrived. Having only a high school education I waited until my children were grown before going back to school. I attended University of Toronto and later graduated from Transformational Arts College. For the past seventeen years I have lived in Elliot Lake, Ontario but in the past I have lived in Toronto and its suburbs; Prince Edward Island and in New Zealand. I have also enjoyed other international travel but as a tourist in countries including Thailand; Korea; Bahamas; Bermuda; Columbia, Puno and Cartagena in South America. I have held several jobs throughout my life; primarily the positions of legal transcriptionist; teacher and psychospiritual practitioner in private practice.

I always wanted to write and I did write in a small way as a hobby but I never made any attempt at publication. It was not until I retired at an uncertain age that I finally made the promise to myself that I would fulfill my dream of being an author. Since that day I have worked very hard though it does not feel like work. I love creative writing and how can something one loves so much be classified as work? I have written novels, novellas, short stories, some of which are in anthologies, and some, like Daniel, which dare to stand alone. Drawing on my experience as a teacher/therapist I put together what is so far my only book on personal growth. The majority of my short stories deal with social issues. I have no diplomas or degrees in creative writing. I have only the imagination and the desire to allow the wonderful characters I create the freedom to express and the time to tell their stories. I do my best to keep up with the characters and I hope others enjoy reading what I write."

Poetry, for me, is a pleasurable challenge; one that I want to meet. The writing of poems is something my mother loved to do and I remember as a child being taught, "It's not poetry if it does not rhyme". Perhaps this is why rhyming seems to come easy for me but to write free verse; there is my mountain to climb. I am climbing, albeit using baby steps, but I am always thrilled when I meet with even the slightest poetic success. This encourages me to keep trying.

Patience

I don't like waiting; never have. Patience has never been my virtue. I'm waiting for contractor; waiting for window coverings; and, most important, I'm waiting for Brian to be well and home where he belongs.

I'm the type of personality that doesn't even lilke waiting in line for groceries or waiting for a bus. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle but moving house was a big one; Brian's illness even bigger; and my daughter's surgery was at the same time. She is thankfully recovering.

I often question why challenges can't come one at a time to be more manageable. I never get an answer. But maybe the message is that it's about time that I learn to wait ..... patiently. I don't think I have it in me but I'm trying.   Ever impatient; that's me!

For all the great Dads out there!

"Stuff"

I've learned of the death of three friends in the past two weeks.  Such knowledge has led me to contemplation.  

As I spend each day packing boxes and discarding unwanted 'stuff' in preparation for a residence move, I can't avoid thinking about how important it is to put one foot in front of the other and plan the future even as I deal with the acceptance of the loss of friends no longer a part of my day to day life.

Throughout the past two years more friends than I can count on all fingers and toes have either moved away from my little town or they have died.   

Despite this deep sense of loss, I continue to pack the boxes.   

But along with the packing, I am feeling a need to purge; a need to eliminate so much 'stuff' that fills my home.    A garage sale helped.  And further sales and give-aways of 'stuff' have been helpful as well.

As I participate in this purging of physical items, I make the attempt to purge emotionally and spiritually.   I yearn for simplicity.

As I sit here in my living-room that now more closely resembles a warehouse I realize that I can't even remember what I have packed in the, at least a dozen, boxes that sit on the bare hardwood floor in front of me.

Not only do I not remember what the boxes contain, I realize that my life is carrying on quite well, thank you, without the contents.       There have been fewer dishes to wash; fewer ornaments to dust; fewer carpets to vacuum.  

It is the loss of friendships over the past couple of years that has led me to realize, not for the first time in my life, the futility of filling my home, and my life, with 'stuff'.

And then I will visualize perhaps an ornamental angel that was heavy and very difficult to wrap and pack in its box.   And my thoughts go directly to the love and the pleasure evident in his eyes as he gifted me with this angel.    

And when I look at the small, slightly battered, old three-legged table, I don't see its old age.  No, what I see is my dear mother, as she dusted this table and the telephone that sat upon it in the front hall of my childhood home.   How can I possibly let this table leave my life?

I have far too many framed prints and paintings hanging on the walls of this house; each with its own story.  Maybe one was painted by my brother, by my daughters, or, yes, even by my grandson when he was a very little boy.   How does one not pack these things and take them to the new home?

I remember a time in my life, many years ago, when I moved to a new country.  Other than clothing, I carried no 'stuff' to this new home.    When I moved into the first flat there was no furniture.  Something deep inside of me liked this.  I had a desire to live in this way without material 'stuff'.

But, of course, this desire was fleeting; not one that could be fulfilled because I did not live alone.  Family requires necessities like beds and tables and TV sets.    A neighbor who lived down the street from this flat felt compassion for a family that she believed were poor because they had no furniture.   The neighbor gifted me with an upholstered chair.  I didn't want it but how could I not accept this generous gift?   And so it began.  In no time at all the little flat was filled with sofas and beds and chairs and dishes and all the usual 'stuff' one finds in a western home.

And when we left this flat it was necessary to pack all this 'stuff' into boxes to move to a more permanent home.

I don't remember today what any of that furniture and other 'stuff' was.  I do remember the upholstered chair, but only because of the nature of its arrival.

My life in terms of 'stuff' is a contradiction.   I am packing.  I am purging.  I am down-sizing and I have a desire to live in a Zen environment.

Yet, yesterday, I removed the laptop from my desk, googled the Walmart website, and bought myself a new tea kettle that should be arriving this coming week.

And life goes on.   

STUFF

Thoughts on a Monday morning. In the process of preparing for our move I realize how easy it is to bog ourselves down in this world with stuff. George Carlin had it right. I yearn for simplicity; a Zen ambience, but it seems the more stuff we give away or sell, the more stuff that seems to arrive. Stuff has secondary importance. What matters in life are the relationships; the love, the family, the pets, the friends. This is where I want to keep my focus. Yes, even as I pack all the stuff into boxes. 

"Another Mother's Day" free May 14th in the Kindle Store

Happy Mother's Day. My gift to you on Sunday, May 14th is "Another Mother's Day", a short story free today in the Kindle Store. This story will surely help you to appreciate your loving mother even more than you already do because this story is about the mother from hell .. a miserable woman. But on this mother's day the adult children plan and finally get revenge.

Happy Mother's Day!

Jacob's Seven Letters -- a short story; my Easter gift to you ...

Jacob's Seven Letters is a Short Story by Audrey Austin. As a child Jacob suffers great losses and this is a story of one man's journey in search of promise, hope and redemption.

Jacob's Seven Letters is free in the Kindle Store on Easter Sunday, my Easter gift to you.

"Passion For Staying Put" - short story, free in the Kindle Store

Eleven years have passed. Arthur and Marion attempt to move on in the aftermath of the tragic loss of their only child, Jennifer.

Passion for Staying Put was a semi-finalist in the 2013 John Kenneth Galbraith Short Story Writing Award Competition

From April 8th to April 12th Passion For Staying Put is free for your reading enjoyment in the Kindle Store.

Hope of Glory - a short story free tomorrow in the Kindle Store

Their father died and mom needed to work. To her young son she insisted, "hold her hand, Lester." And hold his sister's hand he did. They reached a certain age and a role reversal took place. Now it was sister, Linda, keeping her eye on her big brother who was heading in the wrong direction. Later on his death bed Lester is convinced there is no hope of glory for him. Little does he know of his sister's love and the power of prayer.

Hope of Glory  - a short story, is FREE for your reading enjoyment in the Kindle Store tomorrow, Wednesday, March 15th

Hope of Glory, a short story, is free in the Kindle Store for your Wednesday reading enjoyment

Their father died and mom needed to work. To her young son she insisted, "hold her hand, Lester." And hold his sister's hand he did. They reached a certain age and a role reversal took place. Now it was sister, Linda, keeping her eye on her big brother who was heading in the wrong direction. Later, on his death bed, Lester is convinced there is no hope of glory for him. Little does he know of his sister's love and the power of prayer.

Hope Of Glory - a short story is FREE for your Sunday reading enjoyment

tomorrow, Wednesday, March 15th, 2017.

Check it out on all Amazon sites.

All Them Houses -- some positive feedback

I am very pleased to receive this positive feedback on my most recent publication, All Them Houses


Audrey, I enjoyed your autobiography so much! You have had an interesting life, and have certainly been through a lot. It was fascinating to see the events which have made you the strong person you are. I especially liked you as a spunky kid! Kudos on a great job.   Frances Van Mil.

Hi Lady in the north...I just finished reading your book...it was so interesting and was sad to see it end....you sure have had a combination of sad and happy times in your past and you overcame so many obstacles to give your girls a stable and artistic life...you are to be complimented for your persistence in accomplishing this...I sure hope you don't have to move again.  Looking forward to the next edition of your memoirs.     Lucy Ann Spence.

To purchase All Them Houses

CreateSpace eStore:  https://www.createspace.com/6900612

All Them Houses is also available in both Kindle and Paperback on all Amazon sites.

The photos in the Kindle edition are not as clear as I would have hoped.  They are much better in the paperback.  They are old photos and not of the best quality.  For this, I apologize.