This morning I completed an online course titled "Women's Holistic Challenge to Reboot Your Life." It's not a certificate course but it is one I very much enjoyed. It consisted of twenty-nine lectures by its facilitator, Zayra Mo, along with several videos; meditations; and an introduction to sound therapy including a most relaxing 'sound bath'.
I am technically challenged. I have no idea how to create a video that would meet Udemy standards. This is something I want to learn because I would like to share my workshops online through Udemy. This education is something I've added to my bucket list. As with my oil painting, the student awaits the arrival of the teacher.
I have found that my life in self-isolation is made easier when such interesting online courses are available. They give me an opportunity to learn new things. I love learning. And these courses assist me in continuing my own personal growth journey throughout this crazy journey we call life.
Since the earliest days of self-isolation I have now completed five or six courses. I've lost count. So far, all but this one, have been certificate courses. Of course, the certificates are not worth the paper they are written on. They are not accredited in any way but they are certificates of completion. And there is something satisfying about completing a task. I think of Jesus who, on the cross, said "It is finished." His achievements were remarkable and thousands of years later millions of people love Him and are grateful for His teachings.
My lesser achievements also make me grateful. Jesus taught by example. My mother taught by example. I have the desire to teach by example. On occasion I've been known to set a good one. On occasion I've been known to mess up and do the opposite. But I have also been taught that God loves a tryer. No doubt He has often found me very trying. Still I persist. I am stubborn in my efforts, sometimes to the chagrin of others.
Throughout this time of self-isolation, I've had no visitors in my home so, apart from the few family members and friends who shared in the dinner celebration during the weekend visit of my sister and my niece, no one is aware that my home was unbalanced due to the fact that my living-room windows boasted only one curtain apiece.
I'm happy to say that, now, balance is restored in my home. Since my reno was completed several weeks ago, I have had the honour of setting a new trend in window dressing. Each of my living-room windows possessed one curtain which hung on the left side. This week the rest of my curtain order arrived and, just like that, I'm no longer a trend-setter. My home is once again relegated to its usual comfort level which is one of conservative balance.
Just like that, balance is restored so very easily.
If only it could be this simple to live a balanced life.
This leads me to think about how often my life becomes unbalanced. Some friends have heard me say, "I spend half my life getting into things and the other half trying to get out of them."
Too often I have thoughtlessly created this type of imbalance in my life. I have sometimes found myself with too much time on my hands. I have also sometimes found myself with too much to do and not enough time to do it all. Usually I will do my best to restore balance by either eliminating an activity or, conversely, adding one and participating in something new.
I am the first to acknowledge that I teach what I need to learn. And Wayne Dyer is the wonderful teacher who reminded me that I am not just a 'human doer'. I am indeed a 'human being' and this is what I sometimes forget. I forget how to 'simply be'. Maybe this is why I wrote the self-help book which I titled "Simply BE" I'm told that this book of mine has been a useful aid to others on their journey; perhaps in their meditation classes or other personal growth endeavours.
Today in self-isolation I am reminded that I need only 'simply be'. No demands are made of me other than those I create for myself. My time is my own to do or not do whatever I wish. This is something that, in the past, I always thought would be amazingly wonderful. But I am discovering that, although it does present some valuable life lessons, self-isolation is not at all what I thought it would, or could, be.
I feel as though I am far from self-actualization. I feel as though I am simply in survival mode - a time of waiting - an alone time of thoughtfulness - a time of cans in the pantry when I have never been one to get excited about eating food that comes in a can.
Today in self-isolation I am also reminded of past school days, or evenings, where I first learned about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I remember being introduced to Abraham Maslow who created a classification system which reflects the universal societal needs as its base and then proceeds to more acquired emotions. I remember he used words like safety, belonging and love, social needs, esteem, and self-actualization to describe a pattern through which our human motivations move.
Maslow suggests that each stage must be satisfied within an individual before motivation will arise for the next stage. The goal would be for each individual to complete his hierarchy, beginning with the goal of safety or survival and to hopefully, eventually, attain the fifth level which he called 'self-actualization'.
I admit I was living under the impression that perhaps in my personal life journey I was striving toward being authentic; being who I am; seeing a little bit of light shining on my goal of self-actualization. I thought I had fulfilled my need for safety; for belonging and love; for the satisfaction of social needs; and I thought my self-esteem was not too shoddy.
Then just like that - I wake up one morning and find myself in survival mode. I find myself physically cut off from society; fearful of encountering the dreaded Covid-19 virus. I find myself living alone in my house. I am allowed no visitor in my home. I find myself being assisted by others to provide my essential needs without any physical or personal contact. My shopping is being done for me; something I have always thought I was capable of doing for myself. I find myself remembering times when, with friends, we shared that cuppa tea; shared that great conversation; shared plans for pleasurable outings. I find myself often drawing on memory to shine a light.
I find myself sitting here at my breakfast bar on my high yellow stool typing away on my laptop to create another blog entry. Naturally I wonder, will anyone care to read what I write? Naturally, I know that I will write my words regardless because that's what writers do. Writers write.
This is my fifth blog entry since I started to live in self-isolation. I ramble on and, somehow, and I don't know how or why, but somehow, the rambling feels good. I have the illusion that I am being heard.
I can't with any honesty say that I like this strange new world in which I find myself. At the same time, I can with truthfulness, say that perhaps in its own strange way this new lifestyle will aid me in my journey to be authentic; to be who I really am. I have to face the fact that in self-isolation there is no witness. An individual is free to make use of the gift of time or not.
Thanks for listening to my rambling.
I love you all. Audrey.
Our Getting High On Life Workshop for Women
focused on Emotional Healing
and Being Authentic
Will, hopefully, take place
Monday afternoon, September 21st
in the Meeting Room of our local library.
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