The challenge is to write 50,000 words, that may or may not make any sense, in 30 days.
With my brothers and sisters, we stood around her bed, feeling grateful that we were there with her at the end, as she had always been there for us throughout her life.
Just three days prior, I became a grandmother again. My twin grandsons were with their Mom, my daughter Christine, in the Whitby Hospital where they were born. My #1 grandson, David, was with me while my daughter was hospitalized.
This day, October 25th, I had just returned by car with my younger daughter, Susan; her husband; and David, from Whitby, where we had visited Christine and where I met my new baby grandsons for the very first time. I treasure a photo of my mother holding her great-grandson, Joseph, in her arms. This is the very last photo taken of my Mom while she was with me here on earth.
During our hospital visit that day, my Mom told me she was experiencing some chest pain. I knew that my mother had been diagnosed with angina for which she had been prescribed medication. I wanted my Mom to go with me to the emergency department but she was unwilling and determined not to seek medical help at that time. She told me she did not want it mentioned to anyone, despite the fact that we were in a hospital where perhaps a doctor could have been of help to her.
I clearly remember waving from the car and seeing my Mom waving back as she stood on the front verandah of her house once we returned home that day. I lived only a block away from my Mom in my apartment. Susan and her husband dropped David and me off at my home.
David was an adorable little eight-year-old. Once home, since it was so close to Hallowe'en, we ventured out to the corner store where we bought a pumpkin, planning to create a Jack-o-lantern. David chose the pumpkin and was excited about our creative plans.
The phone was ringing when we returned to my apartment. It was Mom. Her pain had increased.
I couldn't walk fast enough down the road to my Mom's home. Poor David - I hadn't meant to scare him but realized that's what I was doing. I slowed down a little as I reassured him that his Grandma Austin was not well, but that everything would be okay.
Upon arrival at Mom's home, I called her family doctor. Mom would not agree to going to hospital with me. I needed his help to encourage her to go. I spoke to Dr. Kingstone. "Put your mother on the phone," he advised me. I did so and, thankfully, Mom listened to him. She finally agreed to go to hospital.
I called my elder brother, Ken, who lived not too far away. He arrived and, in his car, we all drove to the Northwestern Hospital where Mom stayed until her passing October 28th, 1990. She endured a massive heart attack but was finally at peace.
This day, thirty years ago, was one of the most challenging of my life. To simultaneously feel the joy of my twin grandsons' arrival and the deep grief of the loss of my beautiful mother was most difficult. I felt hot and cold; here and there; up and down; inside and out. I was not myself.
I was forty-eight years old. Even in my grief, I felt gratitude that I had been blessed with such a loving, understanding mother who never judged; who was always there for me.
Although thirty years have gone by, I never fail to experience the challenging bittersweet feelings on the birthday of my twin grandsons and on the anniversary of my mother's transition. Birth and death; joy and sorrow; gain and loss. These opposing emotions, even today, leave me wondering.
Much time has passed since my Mom's farewell. My beautiful twin baby grandsons are handsome young men and I feel very proud of them and of their life choices.
Soon, one of these young men will become a father for the first time. How wonderful for me to, any day now, become a great-grandmother. How very true it is that, regardless of the challenges we face, life is good and life goes on.
Today is National Mental Health Day in Canada. Life is difficult during these covid days for everyone throughout our world and Canadians are no exception.
We are not used to spending so much time with ourselves. We have always reached out, gone out, searched out to find our pleasures, entertainment; to satisfy our physical, mental, and spiritual needs.
Going within is not an easy thing to do for many.
Being alone is not an easy way to be for many.
Because I've always been basically a home-body, I may or may not be finding this strange new world a little more comfortable than some.
I am not in possession of any statistics but I understand that many negative aspects of human living are on the rise. Domestic abuse, drug & alcohol addiction, depression, anxiety, many fear-based conditions are on the rise.
I don't have the answers. I can't kiss the world and make it all better. If I could, I would.
But what I can do is share with you those things that have helped a lot to make my isolation more comfortable and easier to deal with. I don't know if this will help you or not -- but it might and I'm pretty convinced my sharing won't do any harm.
I love to read. Even as a little girl, I never felt lonely, as long as I had the companionship of a story book. I encourage you to pick up a book and read.
I love to write creatively. Is this something you have tried? All you need is a paper and pen; or a laptop; and a little imagination. Don't know what to write about? That doesn't matter. My mother taught me that if you want something done, simply begin. So sit down, pick up the pen, and write. Don't worry about what you are writing. Just do it. You may even like your story once written. And while you are writing, just remember that it's the journey that is important; not the destination. Take your time. Enjoy.
I love to sing. Do you like music? Do you like to sing? No, it doesn't matter if you think you have a good voice or not. It doesn't matter even if you are tone deaf. Singing is good for you; good for the soul. If you own a tape recorder, record yourself singing your favourite songs. When you play them back you won't be able to resist a smile. Maybe even a laugh! Singing lifts the spirit.
I don't love housework but I do love my home. Since we are saving some money by not traveling, we can afford to put a little money into our homes. Maybe some new curtains, a new carpet, some fresh cheerful paint on a wall. Home projects do not have to be major but the resulting good feelings can be very major indeed.
Spend time outdoors. Take a walk, explore your neighbourhood, visit the local park, breathe in the beauty of the season.
By spending time outdoors, even if only an hour in the backyard, or a short walk by the lake, you will feel invigorated. And if it is cold outside, you will appreciate the warmth of your home once you return.
I love oil painting even though I'm still waiting for the arrival of my teacher.
What do you love to do? Whatever it is - just do it. I know we can be our own worst critics but try to ignore that nasty little fellow and just do those things you truly enjoy.
There are many ways to exercise. If you like music, let it play and dance around your house. No partner? That doesn't matter. Dancing alone can be very freeing; very relaxing; and with a little imagination, you can believe you are performing on stage to an appreciative audience. Just enjoy!
Stay in touch with people you love through social media. Of course it is not as good as meeting and sharing in person. But, make the effort! It is important to stay in touch with family and friends even if you cannot get together around a table for a meal or a cup of tea the way you used to do.
Do you live alone? That's okay, I do too. Except I don't because I have the wonderful companionship of my little chihuahua, Lila. She needs me and that's good for me. I need to wake up to give her breakfast. I need to take her out to pee, to play, to enjoy some fresh air. If you live alone, why not give a good home to a little dog or cat, if you are not already doing so?
We are often hard on ourselves. You say you can sometimes be your own worst enemy. But with just a little effort, motivation, and love, it is possible to be your own best friend.
This morning the sun is shining. It's going to be a good day. Happiness is a choice. It's up to you, but I care, and many people care, about you. Be good to yourself on National Mental Health Day and every day.
Love & hugs I send your way. :-)
Jim was her only love. Linda grew old as her husband before her had grown old. She died a peaceful death.
And then it happened...."
A review of Reawakening:
Every now and then a manuscript comes across my desk that completely captivates me. Austin has reached inside the human heart and removed all boundaries pertaining to everlasting love...and her ability to play with the English language successfully is astounding. Austin’s Reawakening is a must-listen. It will take you into a land not far from your heart and bring you back to earth again - believing that all things are possible with love and hope. (Maggie Kirton, executive director, Wynterblue Publishing)
Visit my Amazon Author's page at https://amazon.com/author/audreyaustin
Your positive reviews on Goodreads and Amazon are always appreciated.
