NO PLACE TO LAY HER HEAD - a Handful of Moments - an excerpt
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It was very difficult for me to accept that Brian would not be able to come home again. I continued to visit him in hospital every day. Our family doctor was very loving as she spoke to me. "You will be able to visit him once he is in long-term care," she said. "You will spend quality time together. Try not to feel so sad." But I could not stop crying then even as I cannot stop crying now as I continue to type.
More time passed and it was made clear to me that my Brian would not be able to survive a surgery.
Something inside me died the day I was told that he was now in palliative care. Often I was told to 'prepare' myself.
How does one prepare herself?
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I put the kettle on to boil and I proceeded to make a pot of tea. As is my habit, after filling the teapot with boiling water, I refilled the kettle with cold water from the tap and set it aside on the stove prepared to heat it up for a second pot of tea if needed.
My dear sister, after drinking some of her tea, wanted to just heat it up a little. Without a word to me, she walked into the kitchen, poured water from the kettle into her cup. On her return to the living-room she had no idea why her tea was so very cold.
And for the first time in weeks, I laughed.
The others had finished their tea and, for my sister, I went back into the kitchen to make another fresh pot. It's like the angels were having fun with me. I brought the teapot into the living-room once again and poured a cup of tea for my sister.
"It's not steeped, Audrey," she said.
"That's odd," I replied. "It should be."
"What kind of tea is this?"
Of course, I had opened the wrong container, chosen the green tea instead of the black. And, of course, my sister does not like green tea.
Yes, I had reached a low point in my life where I could not for the life of me make a decent cup of tea for my visitors.
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A day arrived when I had an epiphany. There were no more documents to deal with. I was free of the paperwork. There was nothing I needed to do until income tax time rolled around. Then I would need to file Brian's final income tax forms and submit them to government.
Today, which just happens to be January 5th of 2019, I have no clear memory of exactly when anything took place. It has all been one long movie to me. But I do know that the income tax return would have needed to be filed by the end of April 2018. This filing I did. And then I could say it is finished.
I'm grateful that the paperwork part of the journey is over. It was challenging. I think something could be done by the powers that be to lessen the load of those who grieve.
NO PLACE TO LAY HER HEAD - a Handful of Moments is available on all Amazon sites. You will find it on my Amazon author's page at https://amazon.com/author/audreyaustin
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